Gone January

Well, that was fast. It feels like it was just yesterday when I was gnawing my momma's porterhouse for Media Noche.

Let's see. It's been a month, and I just wanna recall some 'events', or lack thereof.

First of all, January has been a month of internal conflict for me. Huge, huge conflict. I had to deal with something from the past, and then un-deal with it, and then fucking deal with it again. But that already ended. Finally, clarity. Somehow it sucks, but it shouldn't. I always convince myself that it gets better.

Secondly, I'm mad. Like really mad. Like you-disgust-me mad. So there's this person whom I stupidly gave a grip at second chance if we ever happen to talk things through. But no. This person bailed without even telling me. I'm not even the one who asked for a chance. I was ready to hand it out once things get cleared up. Fucking no. The person fucking bailed. I mean, jeez, if you're gonna walk out on people, at least respect them enough to tell them. Grow a fucking pair. I can't even look at this person without vomiting on the inside. Or without scraping this person's eyeballs with an ice pick.

And it frightens me that I am so mad. It frightens me that I am so disgusted by a person. It frightens me that I am capable of hatred. Well at least one thing's for sure. Hatred helps me forget. Downside... I'm not forgiving at all.