I hate being compared

I am against it. I don't know, I guess it rooted back from when I was a kid. I was always compared to my cousins. My parents and even some of my relatives would always tell me that my cousins were better than me in so many ways, mainly academically. I guess since then I had always look down on myself. Like I'm not smart enough, not pretty enough, not good enough. I don't know. Guess I carried that thinking ever since.

Maybe a part of me still blames that for what I went through not just in high school but life in general. I was always scared. Scared to fail. Scared to get rejected. Scared to try. I always felt like living in the shadow of my cousins. I was a kid back then, so in my mind it was like this huge reality. And I was just okay with it. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't voice something or defend my stand... because I didn't had any. I was fed this thinking, and to me it was reinforced as who I was. A shadow.

Even now that I'm nineteen, I know I'm still being compared to them. I just don't care anymore. But still, it hurts. Every single person is different from everyone else.

So, you people who like to compare, don't. Don't you ever. It's nonsensical. It's inappropriate. It's tragic.